A Getting Started Guide for the Newly Engaged & the Wildly in Love
It's not difficult to find wedding planning advice online. Much of it will tell you the same steps, with charts and lists telling you what to do, when, and how. While you might be thankful for the thorough guides, checklists, and planning insight, you might also be skeptical about how it all applies to you. One-size-fits-all is difficult to apply to weddings, especially if you're thinking outside the box.
If we haven't met yet, I'm Keilah, and I am a wedding planner for thoughtful couples who are bringing personal flair to this whole wedding thing. Being cognizant of the sea of voices in the wedding industry, I wanted to share my perspective on best practices from the perspective of a planner who likes to dive deep, tell a good story, and leave a meaningful impact. If you're looking for how to get started on creating something magical of your own, without getting overwhelmed in the sea of information, you're in the right place.
So, how do you get started planning a personally meaningful celebration? Are there any major things you should be doing in the first few months of planning? I wrote this blog post to help you get started creating an intentional, logistically sound, personally meaningful wedding with a strong foundation.
I: Vision
It all starts with a vision.
A chic soiree on a rooftop with live music... A 3-day weekend with summer camp vibes... A candlelit ceremony followed by cake and champagne... What sort of wedding will you have?
If you're going with The Art of Gathering's standards (a great book for thoughtful nearlyweds), a meaningful gathering occurs when people come together around a need.
The need beneath one wedding might be to gain the blessing of long-distance family members. The need beneath another might be to create an incredible memory for a couple and their kids. Another need may be to focus on a joyful project for a year. When you center on your "why", you can use it as a North Star for your celebration, reflecting on your intentions with each choice.
“Reverse engineer an outcome: Think of what you want to be different because you gathered, and work backward from that outcome.” -Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering
If you'd like, try writing a story about your celebration. While aesthetics are important, focus primarily on moments. What are you doing, what does it feel like, what are you most excited for? Share this story with your partner, ideally after they have done the same, and notice the details one another. You'll be able to identify initial priorities, compatibilities, and probably a few surprises. Commit to the deeper meanings you find, and hold true to what makes your wedding yours. Intentional gatherings have bold meaning.
II. Pillars
Now that you've taken some time to identify your intentions, you're ready to give your seeds of an ideas some pillars of support.
First, how are you managing planning responsibilities? Are you on the same page about who is doing what, and to what standard? Will you use a planner? A wedding planner is a gift to busy professionals, the laid back type who gets overwhelmed with details and decisions, and the type-A person who wants to be able to relax and enjoy it all. If you know your experience would benefit from a planner to keep you on track and guide you through a weighty process, now is a good time to begin your search.
Next, consider whose opinions, perspectives, and desires you will take into consideration, plus how much weight you will give them. Weddings can be a community affair, and you want to be sure that the voices you're giving an audience to are kind, supportive, and helpful.
Finally, you might want to be intentional about the wedding-related content you're consuming. Weddings are everywhere, from books and television to social media feeds and real life friends and family. All of these work together to influence how you'll view your own celebration.
III: Guest List
Your guest list is where the magic is. It is the single most important deciding factor to how you will experience your day, how you experience planning it, and what it will cost.
"Connection doesn’t happen on its own. You have to design your gatherings for the kinds of connections you want to create." -Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering
An intentional guest list builds upon the intentions you’ve already defined for your celebration. It defines the room and creates a focused experience for a particular group of people. Some personalities are better suited to a big crowd, or a close-knit group. "This is for those who feel loving, safe, and warm" is just as valid as "this is for everyone" is just as beautiful as "this is just for us".
It's common to have complex feelings arise when you're creating this list. Relationships, especially with those you are closest with, will experience stress, growth, and change. Remind yourself to surround yourselves with those who feel warm, and supportive, and affirming of why you want to gather in the first place. Remind yourself to take the lessons of this milestone occasion with grace and kindness. Wedding work just continues into marriage work, and all of this growth is for a purpose.
Once you're clear on who you want there and why, commit to taking care of them with love and generosity. Consider their travel plans, dietary restrictions, and how to spell their name while you're planning. Commit to communicating, delighting, and making a seat for them at your table.
IV: Budget
There are a lot of guides that will break down how much of your budget you “should” allocate to different areas, but I advocate breaking it down by your own priorities. Your priorities should be reflected in your budget, including what you splurge on and what you omit.
When creating a budget, you’ll want to create a line-item budget by dividing each area of spending into different categories. This will help you make decisions with confidence, knowing how it applies to the big picture. If you want to avoid the guesswork altogether, most wedding planners offer individual consultations to support you on your planning journey. Reach out here if you want help creating your budget.
You’ll also want to think about how you’re paying for your wedding. Will you use cash? Credit? Is family chipping in? Are any rules tied to gifts? It’s a good idea to start thinking about the logistics and values around money.
You can have an incredible celebration no matter how much you spend on it. Your budget gives your celebration very real limits and boundaries. Getting real on what you will spend, when, and how, leads to much less financial stress on a significant investment.
Conclusion
Touring venues is the next step, and after you've completed the steps above, you’ll have useful context for thinking about your day as you walk through spaces.
While there is a lot of information about there about how to plan a wedding, I wanted to provide something for intentional couples who want to create something unique and authentic to them. It's about creating the container for your celebration with intention, with the flexibility to design a unique experience that makes sense for you. I hope it this helps you find your path to something magical, meaningful, and joyful, and that it makes your wedding planning first steps a little bit smoother.
xoxo,
Keilah
Comments